“Potter! How would I roll a blunt with the stickiest of the icky?” Professor Snape asked smoothly.

Someone digging a hole in their yard.

Sell it on eBay as extra refined banana jerky.

Please use boner to press button. This is NOT for dirty fingers. THANK YOU.

We can go about our business.

History channel: Could the nazis have turned the pyramids of Giza into unstoppable tanks? Most historians refuse to debate it!

Totally not for cloning!

Classic Terry

(Cicada bro screeching)
Group of hot ladies: Oh wow. Is he single?

It’s like saying “hit me!” on a 20. You’re gonna lose, but it’s kinda fun.

I mean…if someone set up some kind of website like billionaireKOKshow.gov where people get paid vast amounts of billionaire dick money…it would be weird.

There is a land, known as (ethereal Dune soundtrack plays) the Midwest. A land where these breadsticks are gourmet.

The love making scene in Team America, but it’s just a bunch of breadsticks from Olive Garden.

I know it’s likely pesticides, but have we officially ruled out bee assassins?

So like, we’ll like, put a bomb in like this shell, and like Fidel will see it and like, dive for it….and explode. -CIA Meeting minutes

Alas thy plan has failed, for my lips are as moist as a frog going down a waterslide in the rainforest.

Please please please let there be a long bacon store.

Has technology reached it’s zenith?

Drug cartels HATE him.

What happens if you jerk it off?