Your opinion seems to be immutable.
But I’m not rolling over.

This, but unironically.

Sounds like an average day on feddit.

Call Microsoft about a bug and tell me how well their support works for you.

Pretty well, actually.

Debian is the only distro in my recent memory that crashed into an unbootable state right after a default installation.
Manual Arch installation is tedious and unnecessary if you’ve done it once, and the automated archinstall fails too often. Other than that, I’ve had literally zero issues with it.

no, I don’t.

Prevention is key:
alias vim='emacs'

Because Windows 10 Support runs out next year.

With the current Windows 11 installer this doesn’t work anymore.
But you can download the ISO, use Rufus to create a USB boot stick and disable all the requirements (account, RAM, TPM, CPU generation) in Rufus’ options. Also lets you auto-deny all telemetry options and create a user account without prompting.

Though these days, you might get to recommend Linux anyway by saying “you should use wsl2.”

You really really shouldn’t. It sucks in a number of ways neither Windows nor Linux do by themselves.

Uhm, actually, it’s a copypasta that starts exactly the way they posted it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlD9UBTcSW4

I daily drive an Android phone without any Google services or apps.

My friends call me “Please fix my printer”.

Just a shot in the dark, but have you logged out and back in at any point?
Some settings can’t be applied in a running session.

He’s the one who was prophesized in the GNU testament.

Prepare to be disappointed. This is how Linux disciples have sex (SFW).

All Praise Bob!

https://xenia-linux-site.glitch.me/

Yes, IMO. If you haven’t bought the hardware yet, there’s no reason to subject yourself to the headache of lacking Linux support, instead support companies that value open source.
AMD and Intel GPU’s simply work out of the box with all features.

And it’s not like on a laptop you need the highest of high end graphics acceleration anyway.